Why People Fall in Love Only to Stumble Out of Love?
Marriage is an extremely complex relationship with an unpredictable destiny. Research involving separated or divorced couples signaled that lack of love is one of the two most cited reasons for divorce; the other reason is either an extramarital affair or communication difficulties (Kayser & Rao, 2006). Falling in love may occur without much deliberation like the famous “love at first sight.
Conversely, falling out of love may be a long-term gradual decline in love. During a developing love relationship, couples are more susceptible to ignoring a myriad of factors that will eventually influence their relationship (Abbasi & Alghamdi, 2017). These ignored personal and general factors become increasingly conspicuous after the relationship is established. When facing relationship difficulties, the presence or absence of mutual love and intimacy steers the couple’s relationship toward continuity or termination. Emotional indifference or romantic disengagement diminishes love and care.
Remarriage is common, but its dissolution rate is even higher than the first marriage (Doherty, 2012). Acknowledging that the subsequent marriages may not be work either, leaning-out spouses could have a paradigm shift and be more willing to rescue their present marriage.
For Further Reading
Abbasi, I. S., & Alghamdi, N. (2017). Polarized couples in therapy: Recognizing indifference as the opposite of love. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 43 (1), 40–48. 10.1080/0092623X.2015.1113596.
Barry, R. A. (2010). Romantic disengagement as a developmental process that contributes to marital distress and decline (Doctoral dissertation).
Doherty, W. (2012). Take back your marriage. New York, NY: Guilford.
Kayser, K., & Rao, S. S. (2006). Process of disaffection in relationship breakdown. In M. A. Fine & J. H. Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution (pp. 201–221). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
Irum S. Abbasi is an independent post-doctoral researcher currently examining social media behaviors and attitudes towards password sharing in romantic relationships.